Gaseous People

I think when travelling in local trains, in India, people attain the general properties of gases. Let me explain!

I'm just trying to 'fit-in'!


People in Local Trains

  • A gas has no definite shape or volume of its own. It acquires the shape of the container.
  • People when travelling in local trains, stand or sit or barely hang in between two other people in the most awkward positions, and need to stay in that very position till they reach their destination. Their body takes a shape which the adjoining Uncle’s belly and the fellow passenger’s butt allow, add to that, trying to restrict a kiss with the person standing in front. They can barely move. They look like a ‘Renaissance Art Statue’! The bones in their body too didn’t know that they could bend that way.
  • Gases are easy to compress.
  • So are people in the local trains. Doesn’t matter how many people come in, there’s always space. Breath sucked in, standing so close to each other that the thinnest material known to man, too, can’t pass through between them. They stand so close to each other that the ‘actors’ in ‘Brazzers’ and ‘BangBros’ videos would try to learn this art from them.
  • Gases expand to fill their containers.
  • Once that main station comes where the majority of the passengers disembark, the remaining ones in the compartment spread themselves like AIDS in Africa; They’ll be everywhere. They will cover up all the floor space and the train compartment is again ‘filled up’ and crowded.  
  • Gases may or may not have odour.
  • Well, this property varies, somewhat, in case of people. That is, no matter what, they do have an odour; And believe me, generally, a bad one. No deodorant can even think of suppressing this smell. Their tall claims of seducing your neighbours by using the deos can be accepted, but if they claim they can suppress this smell, their marketers are sure going to hell. You remember that AXE TV ad where angel falls from heaven, well, now you know why they do! This smell is the real reason.  It’s a mixture of sweat and cheap deodorants augmented by a whole day’s work and being pissed off at their bosses.

N.B. – Due to the horrific experiences of the author relating to other gases produced by people inside the compartment, discussion on such gases has been excluded from the explanation.

  • Gases can be converted into liquid.
  • This property too differs in case of people, in fact, it’s exactly opposite. Gases when cooled can be converted into liquid; on the other hand, people turn into liquid due to the immense heat. I don’t think you know, but it’s as hot as a ‘gangbang’ inside a local train compartment. And the people sweat. A lot. They sweat so much; you’d think they’re going to melt! If someone could find a mechanism that would convert the sweat into drinking water, the world’s drinking water problems can be eradicated by the passengers in just one train compartment.


Hence, proved that people, while travelling in local trains, attain the properties of gas.


Photo Credit – Punit Paranjape/AFP/Getty Images


One response to “Gaseous People

  1. Pingback: The Epiphany Writer | This parachute is a knapsack!·

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