If the Cubicle’s a Cage, then why’s this a ‘Good Morning’

Reasons Why I Hate My Workplace

Next week I’ll be completing one full year of ‘Modern Day Slavery’ or, as people like to call it, a full time job. And, undoubtedly, I hate it enough to write a blog about it. Mind it, this is not a whine of a 20 something guy who, after experiencing the most traumatic life event – ‘College Graduation’, is clinically depressed about how lame life has become. Rather, this is a culmination of every ridiculous think you could imagine happening to you, actually happening to you. Daily.

Source: Raotten E Cards

Source: Rotten E Cards

Although, the image above states reason enough to be hateful towards my job/workplace, but, as I have been ‘taught’ in the last one year, I would like to present a bullet list of all reasons clearly justifying my stand. So, here it goes,

  • If cubicle’s a cage, then why’s this a ‘Good Morning’

All of us, all 1000 people in this building, woke up in the morning, unwillingly travelled 1-2 hours to come and sit in three sided wooden cages to stare at computer screens, and fill-in ridiculously large spreadsheets. Just tell me, why the heck is this a ‘Good Morning’ and why does everyone keep saying that to me with a fake smile.

  • Why do we Need to Handshake Every Single Morning

We met yesterday, and the day before, and every day of the week before. The 1-2 hours travelling has resulted in sweatier palms than Eminem, but we need to shake hands. Every Single Morning. WHY???

  • If your job is to correct the syntax in my reports, why the heck are you my boss?  MS Word can do that job. Goddammit, Open Office can do that job.
  • If I get a Memo for being three minutes late then why do we even exist? Aren’t we on IST (Indian Stretchable Time)
  • To my ‘Colleagues’ – Can’t we just agree that it is just an obligation for us to see each other daily. Please spare me of the small talk.  WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
  • The guy who controls the Centralized AC. What kind of a job is that? I don’t know what technical qualifications do you need to get that job, but the one who’s doing it at my workplace clearly does not possess them. He knows two settings, Antarctica or Off.
  • Cross Cubicle Phone Conversations: The Intercom

To the two girls sitting in diagonally opposite cubicles, of which I happen to be at the centre, just how much giggling on the Intercom is enough?

  • I remember picking up the phone and saying “haan bhai bol” (equivalent to ‘yeah bro’) during college. Now, its “Yes Sir!” And I die a little every time.
  • Could You Use Less Paper

I am not a member of the ‘Greenpeace’ or anything but if I saved the number of pages I print on a single day, it could provide for the whole Western world’s ‘morning business’.

  • And, a special ‘Fuck You’ to my Printer.

But what can you do! Can’t live with it, can’t live without it.


One response to “If the Cubicle’s a Cage, then why’s this a ‘Good Morning’

  1. “How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so? ”
    ― Charles Bukowski, Factotum

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